we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
