You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Actions speak louder than pants.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
