I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
