I faked an abortion last night.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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