Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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