is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
