I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
