Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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