If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Randomize
