the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
