Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
