Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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