thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
