but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize