Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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