why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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