I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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