I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize