Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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