Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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