my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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