He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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