nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
