Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Randomize