yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
