sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
