I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
