my mouth tastes like poor choices
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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