wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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