You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
