i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
