I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
