i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
