In America we eat man semen.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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