I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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