it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
