if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize