i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
