and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
