im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
