I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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