Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
