Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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