so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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