dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
