Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
