she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
