I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
