another moral hangover. fuck.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
