he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
