im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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