Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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