i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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