You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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