i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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