you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
