i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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