your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
