I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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