She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
