i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
