I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
