I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
