I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
