is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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