Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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