the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
