Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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