My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
This house was built for laser tag.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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