Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
