i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
