I wish I could teleport
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
